This letter is for the mere-mortals. For those who are still in the process of becoming. For those who sometimes feel like walking contradictions. For those who are navigating the not-so-shiny but equally important bits of life. For those who are fuelled by the thought of opportunity and improvement. For those who are lost and struggling. For those who have aspirations, goals, insecurities, and challenges.
This letter is for you, as much as it is for me.
We’re all embarked on a journey no one gave us a map for, figuring the way down our own unique path one step at a time. With each dearing step we take forward, we gain a broader vision of ourselves and the world. It’s by actively choosing to explore beyond our current boundaries rather than staying in the same spot that we can begin to make the most of the world’s potential and our own.
It’s how, slowly but steadily, we begin to fill in the gaps of that blank map, and we start to make sense of our experience here while filling it with greater meaning.
But that’s the thing. Oftentimes we can only connect the dots looking backward. Which makes it even more so important to keep pushing ourselves forward, or we might find we don’t have that much to look back on.
In an attempt to connect the dots and after taking a deep long look at the map I’ve got sketched out myself so far, here’s what I’ve gathered:
1. Nothing (absolutely nothing) is permanent.
Everything is part of a cycle and is in constant motion and flow. That is precisely what it means to be alive. Accepting that everything comes in waves and has an expiry date attached to it.
The downside?
This also means you’re not invincible. You’re not untouchable. You’re not as important as you think you are. Nothing really is. We’re all just tiny specks of nothingness floating on a rock around a place called ‘universe’ which infinite immensity our human brains can’t even begin to comprehend. So what’s the big deal?
Still, live like you’re important. Like you’re invincible. Like you matter.
Because, in the grand scheme of things, you do.
You (yup, you) have been granted the incredible gift of experiencing LIFE. Take a second to grasp how extraordinary that is. What are you going to do with it? Do you want to squeeze it to its full potential? Do you want to visit all its rooms and little corners, or never leave the living room, staring at the same old boring portrait on the wall, afraid of what may be awaiting in the room next door?
Ultimately, you’re the one who’s drafting the map of your life, so it’s up to you to mark off its limits as far out or close by as you like. But personally? I want to explore its immensities. Cross bridges. Peek into all of its layers. Explore beyond every door.
Because all the different experiences we go through will activate and awaken new parts and characteristics of ourselves, which will ultimately create the different layers that shape us.
There’s an entire world to see and experience out there. We only live once, but if we do it right, once might feel like a hundred lifetimes, and once will be enough.
The upside? (there’s always an upside)
The fact that nothing is permanent also means that nothing is set in stone. I don’t care if you’re sixteen or sixty. If you don’t like something about yourself, change it. Until you hit that expiry date, it’s never too late for anything. You can go travel the world. You can go back to college and study what you never could. You can end relationships and start new ones. You can change your mindset. You can broaden your perspective. You can come to like things you thought you hated and accept things you thought to be incomprehensive. You can change the way you treat, talk, or respond to people. You can change your hair, your style, or your zip code. You can change your entire lifestyle if that’s what you’d like. If that’s what you need.
If you’re telling yourself otherwise, you simply don’t want to change. That’s also fine. But be honest about it and accept the consequences of the reality you are choosing.
On that note…
2. Nothing changes if we don’t change.
Whatever you are not changing, you’re choosing. So if you want different results, you need to be ready to change the input, starting with yourself.
Personal growth involves some stretching; it involves pushing yourself further to some extent. It means inviting discomfort into your present, for an improvement in the future.
Some people only open up to change once they’ve hit rock bottom. Once they become so sick and tired of their current reality that they are left with no other choice but to reinvent themselves.
In fact, the starting line of any personal growth and development journey is usually packed with broken-hearted people. It’s how many of us got here in the first place.
Times of adversity, discomfort, and struggle are usually a signal for growth. A hint to break free from your old shell and re-build yourself. An indication that it is time to let go of that version of yourself you are so deeply attached to.
So sometimes we choose growth, other times growth is forced upon us. Anyhow, you’re faced with two choices: resist or lean in.
When you lean in, you choose to look at the ‘problems’ in your life as openings to gain a greater understanding of yourself and develop a better way of living. You realize that unless you change what you’re putting in, what you get out will remain exactly as is.
3. Take an active role in your life.
Change is inevitable. So why not embrace it?
Choose to seek out change proactively, or change will come and get you. The latter is oftentimes a much less fun scenario than the first.
Don’t be a co-pilot. Don’t live in default. Don’t have a narrow view of life and its opportunities. Don’t blame your happiness or lack thereof, on external events or other people. Don’t limit yourself before life even does.
Stop watching others fulfill their dreams from the rear window while telling yourself some excuse of why you can’t accomplish the same thing. Stop regarding those people as lucky, because luck has very little to do with it.
It’s about owning your behaviors and not waiting for life to happen. It’s about giving yourself permission to be the author and creator of your life. About realizing that the canvas is yours to paint and life is yours to design. That you can choose to work on developing your mental strength and train your mind just like you would your body.
Starting today, there are two completely opposing paths you can take: one in which you are living in default mode, as a mere co-pilot, or one in which you take the driver’s seat, becoming a more active participant in your life’s choices. Deciding when it’s time to make a stop, take a turn, or hit the gas.
The path you choose to take will ultimately lead to two completely different lives. I strongly believe that the one worth living – the one that’s richer, brighter, and more abundant – is the latter.
There’s no better person to lay out your life’s path than yourself. Make a masterpiece out of it. Think, dream, and imagine bigger.
4. Trust that everything will work out.
Remind yourself that everything is ‘figureoutable’, and that although life can bring us down, we’ll eventually always find our way out of the tunnel. Trust that there’s always a way forward and that as long as we are willing to hang in there with optimism there will always be a better tomorrow.
Trust that you will be fine. That the people you love will be okay. That they will succeed. That not only they are strong enough to climb their own mountains, but that they have the right to do so. By trusting others’ strength and resilience we give them the space they need to validate themselves, whereas when we over-protect them out of fear, we are robbing them of the transformational experience of stepping into their own power.
Remember that sometimes we first need to grow inwards to be able to grow outwards. And that although some growth goes unseen, it’s still happening, growing roots underground to give us the stability and resilience we’ll need once it materializes into the external world.
Make persistence, faith in the process, and trusting that everything will work out in the end your day-to-day religion. In the end, the universe mirrors our energy right back to us.
When we project hope, optimism, and belief that’s what we attract and receive. Contrarily, living in fear, and projecting that fear of ‘doom’ onto the people we love limits them and drowns us in pain. It creates imaginary problems that become the monsters that rule our lives.
So purge out your fears and carefully curate the quality of your thoughts, your actions, and the words you speak into the world and yourself – they become a self-fulfilling prophecy that can strongly impact the quality of your life.
5. How you regard yourself is more important than you think.
All of us have an image and perception of who we are, and that becomes our threshold. Meaning, we never rise above the idea we have of ourselves.
And so the way you think about yourself becomes critically important. The things you believe you represent and stand for. The things you believe are achievable and within your reach. The love you believe you’re worthy of. The rooms you think you belong in. The roles you think you fit. The pain you believe you can endure. The challenges you think you can overcome.
As much as the ones you don’t.
Understand that your sense of self is entirely built by you and that you can work on redefining it in a way that encourages you to lead a better life.
In the end, how you regard yourself and the role you play in this story called ‘your life’ has the power to completely shape and transform it.
When you start thinking about yourself as the main character…
- You realize you are the author of your own story.
- You realize you are important. You start putting yourself first and fight for the things that matter to you.
- You allow yourself to take space.
- You realize you have a calling: a mission and purpose that is valuable to others and can make the world a little bit better.
- You start to think of yourself as someone who can contribute and set an example for others.
- You stop questioning so much what side characters think.
All of these things widen and broaden the spectrum and view you have of your own life’s potential and help you get rid of those blind spots we all have in terms of what’s possible and achievable.
6. Remain teachable
Be a life-long student. Unbury the curious child within you. Approach life and what it throws at you with curiosity and be okay with the fact that you don’t have all the answers. You probably never will, and that’s okay. Uncertainty and feeling unsure of who you really are can be a good thing.
Don’t be afraid to wake up one day and feel completely lost. It is a signal that you are finally starting to question yourself and your own reality. You’re mustering the courage to ask yourself: Is the life I’m living aligned with who I am and what I want for myself? If not, what am I willing to sacrifice to change it?
What you should actually be afraid of is never questioning yourself and your life decisions. Be terrified of clinging onto the belief of ‘this is just how I am’ or ‘this is just how things are’.
Instead, keep exploring new ways to expand your mind and unlock new versions of yourself. Venture yourself out into the uncommon (people, places, lifestyles, culture, mindsets). Search for newness and diversity. Be involved and interested in the world around you and entertain your mind with things that pique your curiosity aside from your own problems.
From time to time, engage in the exercise of re-evaluating your past illusions about who you ‘should’ be, or how things ‘should’ be. Let go of them when needed.
Lean into the idea that you are endlessly recreating yourself. A flexible and malleable work in progress.
7. Draw outside the lines.
Don’t necessarily adapt to the energy and dynamics that you’ve landed into. If they’re not right, have the courage to change them. If you see something, point it out. If you believe things should be done differently, say so.
Don’t be afraid to start things, even when you don’t feel ready (you’ll never feel ready for the things that truly matter). So start things imperfectly. Failing, taking risks, and diving into change are the only way that life moves forward.
There’s huge transformational power in the ability to perceive the world in new ways, finding hidden patterns, and having the capacity to imagine new opportunities and solutions outside the norm. That is essentially the definition of creativity – an undervalued super-power we’ve slowly distanced ourselves from.
Luckily, creativity is like a muscle: it can be exercised by inviting elements of newness into our lives, playing around with them, and immersing ourselves into the unknown.
Take that course or class you know you’ll probably suck at. Talk to the quirky-looking person at the party. Move somewhere different. Try a different diet. Play with different routines. Consume content you typically wouldn’t. Ask awkward questions. Book a random trip to a random place. Go somewhere you think you don’t belong. Mingle with different tribes. Do the unexpected. Show yourself you don’t know what you don’t know about yourself.
Essentially, take bold risks.
Treat life like the experimentation lab at the very core of your continuous expansion and improvement. After all, a lab is a place where you run experiments. You test things out and learn from the different outcomes.
If we don’t observe, if we don’t re-evaluate and look into things, if we don’t play around with the environment we’ve been given, we’ll be confined to the same spot, same complacent perspective, and same reality in our life – we won’t evolve.
Contrarily, the more we experiment, the more we grow.
8. Choose honesty as a guiding principle in your life.
Choosing between leading an authentic life or a life of safety will likely be one of our toughest and most recurrent battles. It will present itself time and time again.
Being true to ourselves will sometimes come at the cost of stability, safety, and comfort. Still, I believe we can only know true peace and fulfillment when we choose to live authentically.
Even when it’s hard, try to honor your truth. Don’t exchange freedom for the illusion of security. Choose honesty as a guiding principle in your life. In the words you speak and actions you take. In the way that you live and operate in general, both with yourself and others.
That means trusting your intuition and having the courage to face uncomfortable truths, admitting to yourself when something doesn’t feel right anymore – taking action upon it, speaking up, and operating in alignment.
At the end of the day, what you must ask yourself is: do I want to live a safe life or an authentic one?
9. Read into yourself like you’re your favorite book.
Authenticity can only arise when you are connected to yourself, so take the time to go inwards. Check-in often. Get to know you. Read into yourself like you’re your favorite book. Go on dates with yourself. Journal. Meditate. Reflect. Go on long walks and learn to not just enjoy, but crave your own company.
We’re constantly surrounded by noise, distractions, others’ opinions, and expectations. If we never tap out, it can end up clouding our decision-making, the way we think, and all in all, our identity, slowly distancing us from our true selves.
On the contrary, each time we go within and take the time to slow down and pause, we reset. We tap into the quiet rhythm beneath the noise and can finally read into our unfiltered story.
Spending quality time with ourselves gives us the clarity we need to tell apart what’s meaningful from what’s not. What’s serving us and what isn’t. It provides us with valuable information about what ignites our spirit, and what makes it flat. About what gives us energy and what drains it. About what heals us and what harms us.
Essentially, it cultivates self-awareness. And in our awareness, we become witnesses to our own aliveness, letting it move in its true direction rather than being pulled in by the tides.
Self-awareness acts like an anchor. No matter how many storms life throws at you, no matter how it pushes you around, you can always find the way back to yourself.
So get the idea out of your head that focusing on yourself is selfish. It’s not. When you prioritize your own fulfillment and well-being you have more time, more energy, and space in your life to give to others. If you don’t take good care of yourself and your needs, you’ll have very little of yourself to offer.
But remember that self-care is much more than taking days off, going on fun trips, and doing sheet masks.
Self-care is self-awareness first. It’s being present enough to understand yourself in order to do a better job at giving yourself what you need, when you need it. There’s no real self-care without self-awareness.
And don’t be fooled: self-care IS hard work. It’s a practice. And like any other practice, it requires commitment, consistency, and conscious effort.
There’s a certain solitude and alone time needed for it too. So spend time with yourself, especially when you don’t feel like it. You are the only person who will always be there for you from beginning to end. Make it good company.
10. Get yourself a kick-ass support system.
Carefully hand-pick the people that get to have access to your energy. Curate your support system like it’s a piece of art. Like it’s the ultimate guest list to the party that is your life.
Surround yourself with genuine, kind, and uplifting people that make you and your world a little bit better. People who can help you zoom out of your bubble, and see things with perspective whenever you’re not being your best self. People who can appreciate and value you for who you are and keep you grounded. People who’ll be there to unconditionally support you whenever you are doubting yourself.
Gravitate closer towards them and away from energy-sucking vampires.
Build boundaries and protect your energy like it’s sacred. Pay attention to your inner circle and be ruthless about who stays and who goes, because the people you surround yourself with today are significantly shaping who you’ll be tomorrow.
11. Stop rushing; stop chasing.
Take a breath. Slow down. You don’t need to be improving yourself or stuff around you all the time. Sometimes things are okay just the way they are. And even when they’re not, it’s okay to be temporarily stuck from time to time. It’s okay to need a break from playing the hero role. Sometimes it’s okay to just be and accept things as they are.
Learn to go with the seasons: some seasons ask from us to take care of ourselves and slow down, while others are more adequate seasons for growth. It’s important to find the balance between being committed to evolving and also taking time off from continuously leveling up.
In that sense, it is crucial to learn to be grateful for where you’re at. To celebrate and acknowledge how far you’ve come, and to know that there’s meaning to every stage of your life.
Take a moment to realize that some of the things that you are living and experiencing right now are exactly the things you once dreamed of. Sometimes we forget that. We keep moving forward, and we forget to take a moment to appreciate and be grateful for where we are and for having achieved those things that we once so strongly wished for. The least we can do is to stop every once in a while to really savor and appreciate them – otherwise what’s the point of having so much good in our lives if we lack the awareness to cherish it?
Let’s remind ourselves that external events are not what create our happiness or fulfillment. It’s how we think about them.
If we keep operating on a scarcity mindset, thinking that happiness is in the ‘next thing’, we’ll always be unhappy and unfulfilled, no matter what we have or get. We’ll keep looking for happiness right and left when happiness is not a matter of ‘arriving’ anywhere. It’s not about getting to any of these imaginary finish lines. It’s in the process of searching, here in this moment.
This is what I’ve discovered to be true in my own path. A few rough sketches and directions that I wanted to share with you in the hopes that they may serve you as well. That doesn’t mean I always succeed at following them, or that I don’t ever get lost along the way, but it means that if I do, I can come back to this little self-made guide and use it as a compass to re-route my way back.
Now let me ask you, how is your map looking so far?
I’m curious to know about your own journey. About what challenges and realizations you’ve stumbled across. About what are the things that fuel you and make you excited to keep going forward. About what you hope and fear to find along the way. About what are the things that make you deflect and go off-track. All of those little valuable pieces of information that we can only gather through experimentation and analysis, and that at the end of the day, give shape to who we are and how we live our life.
Turns out that they’re usually not so different from one individual to another.
So if you think you’d benefit from hearing and learning from others’ challenges and experiences, in this community we are working towards creating a space that will empower and bring together people who are looking for some extra motivation and guidance to fulfill their life’s vision and take action towards bettering themselves.
They’re growers. People who dream big and try hard. Who are embarked on a continuous learning process and are not afraid to experiment with change and uncertainty in order to expand their horizons. If you think that sounds like you, we’d love to have you join this shared personal growth journey.
To those who’ve already been here for a while, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for reading, listening, and tuning in every month. Thank you for showing your support, sharing your feedback, and joining the conversation. Having someone to show up for has made me learn more in this past year than ever before.
I really hope that you were entertained, inspired, and motivated to keep pushing toward a version of yourself that you love and can be proud of.